I
just came from delivering a presentation to our incoming university students. I
ended up having a nice chat with a family whose daughter is getting ready to
leave home for her first year of studies. Her biggest worry is that she will
have to leave her dog behind. She's anxious about how she'll cope without her
best friend and very worried about how her dog will deal with the
transition--he'll have her parents looking after him, but "his
person" is leaving home and this is likely to be a confusing and sad time
for him.
I
hear this kind of thing a lot. Once students find out about my research on
dog-human relationships and work with dogs, they often tell me about the worry
they feel when they leave their dogs behind and how terribly they miss them when
they are away at school.
Whether
the transition is for school, work, or another new chapter, these life changes can
be hard for the people involved and terribly difficult for our dogs—especially
when the dog’s main person is the one who is leaving. When we think about
helping families transition to an “empty nest”, it's important to remember ALL
family members, including the furry ones.
There's
a lot that can be done to support dogs through these kinds of predictable
transitions (which are different from the sudden ones that happen when life
throws its curve balls). The months leading up to the transition are a great
time to revisit the dog’s needs and see what might be tweaked to boost their well-being
and capacity for resilience. This includes things like limiting exposure to
stressors, ensuring adequate time for relaxation and good quality sleep, providing
excellent nutrition and appropriate exercise for their individual needs,
addressing any potential underlying discomfort or pain, and providing
opportunities for daily enrichment, exploration, and social interaction in ways
that the particular dog enjoys.
If
the person leaving home has been the primary caregiver, who will take over
primary responsibility for the dog? If other family members are already
stretched with work, family responsibilities, etc. and not able to meet all the
dogs' needs, who else might be recruited to assist with daily care (e.g., dog
walkers, sitters, neighbours, relatives)? If emergencies arise and decisions
need to be made about the dog’s veterinary care, who needs to be involved in
the decision-making and how will this happen?
At
least a few months before move-out day, other family members can start to take
a more active role in the dog’s life. At first, they might go along on walks,
join in on play, help with setting up enrichment. Over time, their involvement
can increase so that they are spending more time alone with the dog and finding
their own ways to enjoy each other’s company. It’s important not to rush this
process--developing new patterns of interaction and nurturing deeper
relationships takes time.
When
it comes time to say goodbye (for now) to the person who is leaving, extra
understanding and patience may be needed. If problem behaviours emerge or the
dog begins to regress in their life skills, remember that behaviour is a dog’s
way of communicating their emotions and the situation should be handled with
gentleness and care. A qualified trainer or behaviourist can help. There are
also excellent self-study courses for caregivers who want to gain a deeper
understanding of dogs, like those offered at The Dogenius Institute.
Caring
well for a dog during a transition in the caregiving relationship is hard work,
but it is well worth it for everyone involved.
Nurturing
stronger relationships between a dog and other members of the family can
provide those (human) family members with a wonderful source of support and
love that can help them navigate their own way through this transition.
Once
they are confident that their dog is very well taken care of, the person
leaving home can have peace of mind--they may miss their dog terribly but
knowing that they don't have to worry about their best friend will help them
focus on succeeding in their new life stage.
